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Battle of the Bad Movie Science Synopses 
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Burning Godzilla
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OK, I'll start:

So we stole one of the bluestones from Stonehenge. We had quite a time getting it here. This will allow us to make our own Stonehenge here in Santa Mira, California. Why? Because it's time to get back to a more old-school Halloween, and here's our plan: We chip small pieces off the bluestone, right, and insert those into computer chips that are attached to mass-produced latex Halloween masks. There are only three styles -- skull, witch, and jack o'lantern -- but we expect EVERY CHILD IN AMERICA to buy one through supersaturated TV ads with a really, really irritating jingle sung on the idiot box all day and all night long. That will make the kids scream for our masks and the parents will dang well BUY them. Then the kids go trick-or-treating, come home by nine for "the big giveaway," which involves putting your mask on and watching the magic pumpkin on your TV screen. The parents will allow this because at least their ordeal will finally be over. At this point, the magic pumpkin will activate the computer chips and the kids will die in agony as hundreds of ROACHES and a few full-grown RATTLESNAKES pour out of the masks. The rattlers will attack the parents as well as the kids and ALL OUR PAYING CUSTOMERS WILL DIE, putting us out of business and likely make us fugitives from justice. Why do all this? Because it's a grand joke on the kids. NOTHING CAN GO WRONG because the whole system is being run by our army of lifelike ROBOTS who can be defeated by a good punch in the gut, which makes them upchuck all their hydraulic fluid and stop working. Oh, and it'll all go fine because THE PLANETS ARE IN ALIGNMENT.

(Halloween III: The Season Of The Witch)

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Last edited by Cliffie on Wed Nov 30, 2016 11:16 pm, edited 1 time in total.



Tue Nov 08, 2016 5:30 pm
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Burning Godzilla
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In the extremely bad The Legend of the Lone Ranger, Tonto tells the Lone Ranger to use silver bullets because they're more accurate. :?:

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Sat Nov 26, 2016 3:03 pm
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Burning Godzilla
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I think it was Space Amoeba where they discovered that gravity depends on temperature, so you can levitate objects by chilling them.

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Sun Nov 27, 2016 6:34 am
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Destoroyah
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The science in The Giant Claw is kinda funny: anti-matter universe?

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Mon Nov 28, 2016 8:01 pm
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Burning Godzilla
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Actually, the idea of an anti-matter universe is quite plausible, if you accept there being more than one universe.

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Mon Nov 28, 2016 8:04 pm
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Burning Godzilla
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supersonic man wrote:
Actually, the idea of an anti-matter universe is quite plausible, if you accept there being more than one universe.


Anti-matter Turkey Buzzard with bad dental work that's bigger than a battleship?

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Mon Nov 28, 2016 9:19 pm
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Burning Godzilla
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supersonic man wrote:
I think it was Space Amoeba where they discovered that gravity depends on temperature, so you can levitate objects by chilling them.


Wasn't that in Battle in Outer Space?

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Wed Nov 30, 2016 3:44 pm
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Burning Godzilla
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supersonic man wrote:
Actually, the idea of an anti-matter universe is quite plausible, if you accept there being more than one universe.


And it was the foundation of the plot in Prince of Darkness, in which we learned that the antimatter universe is liquid and that if a person made of matter is pushed through an enchanted mirror into that liquid, he or she will not only survive, but become the Antichrist, who is simultaneously already in the universe made of matter in the form of an eternally spinning jar of liquid evil, which can command the behavior of insects, other invertebrates, and the homeless.

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Guy in bar: "I got 50 dollars in my pocket saying you're coming home with me tonight."
Girl in bar: "They're lying to you."
(from Psychos In Love)

Sample piscatorial love at Cliffie's Notes! Now in blog form for the greater good of the Fish Conspiracy!


Wed Nov 30, 2016 11:15 pm
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Burning Godzilla
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According to Disney, Heaven and Hell lie on the other side of The Black Hole. Bad science or bad theology?

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Dark tears for is alabaster muse lost forever into the unforgiving jade daggers of the night. Her slim form no longer to touch his burning lips, her blood like the thorny rose no longer his, O Death! O Oblivion! Why havent you come! I wait in my garden of shadows for thee! -- Juniper releases her inner Goth.


Wed Nov 30, 2016 11:34 pm
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Burning Godzilla
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Godzilla vs. Megalon: Changing size from humanoid to gigantic is a matter of computer programming.

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Thu Dec 01, 2016 4:57 am
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Burning Godzilla
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Mr. Paradox wrote:
Godzilla vs. Megalon: Changing size from humanoid to gigantic is a matter of computer programming.

SPONTANEOUS SELF-ACTUATING computer programming from the 60s.

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Oh yeah, down here, I am considered the apotheosis of cool - Sewer Urchin

This is an appalling film. And for some of you, well worth your time - SSM

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Thu Dec 01, 2016 3:04 pm
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Burning Godzilla
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Bergerjacques wrote:
Mr. Paradox wrote:
Godzilla vs. Megalon: Changing size from humanoid to gigantic is a matter of computer programming.

SPONTANEOUS SELF-ACTUATING computer programming from the 60s.


Written on punched cards!

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Thu Dec 01, 2016 3:06 pm
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Burning Godzilla
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Star Trek: TNG series and movies - Almost any space problem that threatens a starship can be resolved by reversing the flow of tachyons or other subatomic particle that powers the warp drive or the reflector dish. Reflector dishes really become important to future deep space travel.

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Oh yeah, down here, I am considered the apotheosis of cool - Sewer Urchin

This is an appalling film. And for some of you, well worth your time - SSM

I like the way this board thinks


Thu Dec 01, 2016 3:26 pm
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Destoroyah
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The Relic 1997 - Apparently you can turn into a beastie made up of alot of different beasties just by drinking a hormone smoothie.

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Lady Astor to Winston Churchill: "Winston you are drunk...disgustingly drunk!"
Winston Churchill to Lady Astor: "Madam you're fat...disgustingly fat. And tomorrow, I'll be sober."


Fri Dec 02, 2016 6:34 pm
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Burning Godzilla
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I'm surprised this thread got this far without the classic from The Amazing Colossal Man: apparently the human heart is entirely one cell.

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"Times have not become more violent. They have just become more televised." - Brian Warner

"Marlowe's overreacting, Marlowe's taking it wrong, Marlowe's lighting kittens on fire again..." - Marlowe, on how the rest of the board sees him

"What we have here is one hellaciously well-built monument." - Bergerjacques, on the Lincoln Memorial

"Folks, we need a way to get Uwe Boll to inadvertantly touch Tony Jaa's elephant." - Beggar So's Hat speaks truth


Fri Dec 02, 2016 6:49 pm
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