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Battle of the Bad Movie Science Synopses 
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Burning Godzilla
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Lowest Hanging Fruit Feature:

THE CORE: The Earth is imperiled by the terrible consequences its core slowing down and eventually cooling, which would inevitably make the planet no more than a frozen floating rock in space. WE'RE NOT? Our answer is to develop the ne plus ultra in a manned drilling machine made of UNOBTANIUM. In the process of getting to the core, the crew accidentally shatters a GIANT CRYSTAL GEODE and drills through a layer of diamonds. The destruction of the core produces major electrical storms and meteorological disturbances which the government acknowledges is a serious matter and requires the heroic work of SCIENTISTS playing with thermonuclear bombs in the Earth's core. The nuclear bombs won't be effective unless they go off in carefully timed intervals to get the core spinning again. The Earth, apparently, is nothing more than a big giant rocky gyroscope and scientists are there to pull the string.

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Fri Dec 02, 2016 7:47 pm
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The Wasp Woman is created via royal jelly from a queen wasp.

Apparently somebody thinks wasps are bees.

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Fri Dec 02, 2016 8:26 pm
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Bergerjacques wrote:
Our answer is to develop the ne plus ultra in a manned drilling machine made of UNOBTANIUM.


Which, given that the scientists can exit the drill - well into the mantle - while only wearing thin "space"suits, apparently can be woven into fabric.

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Sat Dec 03, 2016 12:09 am
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An oldie from the MST3K days: Aliens on the titualr The Phantom Planet look just like us, but really small. This entirely sensible variation is driven by the differences in the size of air molecules in the different atmosphere. When an astronaut visits the planet, he too shrinks after a little time breathing their air, and is assured that breathing the larger version of oxygen back home would restore him to his previous size.

Meanwhile, silly movies sometimes get it right. Frankenstein [still pronouncing it "Fronk-en-shteen" at that point, naturally] opens Young Frankenstein by unambiguously proclaiming that once fully differentiated into their adult form, damaged brain cells (neurons) will absolutely, under no circumstances, ever regenerate. The silly movie goes on to show us a fairly dramatic exception to that allegedly immutable rule. Decades later, real-life medical science has also demonstrated exceptions.


Sat Dec 03, 2016 4:54 pm
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According to Edgar Rice Burroughs, master of knowing just enough science to really screw things up, the internal world of Pellucidar exists in a state of perpetual daylight because the Earth's core forms it's sun. Haven't read Jules Verne's Journey to the Center of the Earth to see how the celebrated speculative fiction writer explains the existence of a prehistoric world thousands of feet beneath the Earth's crust, other than BECAUSE.

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Mon Dec 05, 2016 4:12 pm
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Bergerjacques wrote:
Haven't read Jules Verne's Journey to the Center of the Earth to see how the celebrated speculative fiction writer explains the existence of a prehistoric world thousands of feet beneath the Earth's crust, other than BECAUSE.


I don't remember the story ever actually explaining it, aside from a three-page-long rant about how the Earth's core couldn't possibly be hot. What I do recall is the ending heavily implying that they were nowhere near the core and that the guy who'd delivered said rant had to rethink it.

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"Times have not become more violent. They have just become more televised." - Brian Warner

"Marlowe's overreacting, Marlowe's taking it wrong, Marlowe's lighting kittens on fire again..." - Marlowe, on how the rest of the board sees him

"What we have here is one hellaciously well-built monument." - Bergerjacques, on the Lincoln Memorial

"Folks, we need a way to get Uwe Boll to inadvertantly touch Tony Jaa's elephant." - Beggar So's Hat speaks truth


Mon Dec 05, 2016 10:18 pm
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One of the less endearing things about the Brendan Fraser Journey to the Center of the Earth remake - even after you get to the earth's core, you can still get a cell phone signal.

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Tue Dec 06, 2016 6:09 am
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Charnelhouse wrote:
One of the less endearing things about the Brendan Fraser Journey to the Center of the Earth remake - even after you get to the earth's core, you can still get a cell phone signal.

SCIENCE!!!! and some very creative digital engineering.

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Tue Dec 06, 2016 2:12 pm
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Pure Chaos = being pursued by the things that make you guilty, seeking to even the score. (Event Horizon AND Solaris)

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Fri Dec 16, 2016 1:40 am
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Lessons of CONTACT - Messages directed at SETI will invariably be metaphysical manifestations of a dead parent desperate to reconcile with their estranged child. Which means, I suppose, that the afterlife is just your corporeal form transported across the universe.

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Fri Dec 16, 2016 2:49 pm
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Charnelhouse wrote:
One of the less endearing things about the Brendan Fraser Journey to the Center of the Earth remake - even after you get to the earth's core, you can still get a cell phone signal.


I know it's done as a joke, but in Enchanted, you can get a cell phone signal across diferente dimensions.

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Fri Dec 16, 2016 3:35 pm
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Its been about 20 years since I last saw it the movie Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea that involves something about shooting a nuclear missile into the burning Van Allen radiation belt to save humanity.


Mon Dec 19, 2016 3:01 am
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Could apply to any number of movies. The Blob 80s era remake: We made an unstoppable killing glop of meta-protoplasm because we thought it a plausible weapon to use against our enemies, even though said mass has no possible way of discerning between "enemies" and "allies" and is essentially an insatiable stomach.

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This is an appalling film. And for some of you, well worth your time - SSM

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Mon Dec 19, 2016 2:16 pm
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Bergerjacques wrote:
Could apply to any number of movies. The Blob 80s era remake: We made an unstoppable killing glop of meta-protoplasm because we thought it a plausible weapon to use against our enemies, even though said mass has no possible way of discerning between "enemies" and "allies" and is essentially an insatiable stomach.


That same kind of logic also makes me wonder why Weyland-Yutani is so hell-bent on using the Xenomorph as a weapon.

What kind of terrible space wars are happening, which are so bad that something like THAT is considered a viable option?

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Mon Dec 19, 2016 9:18 pm
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Evangelion wrote:
Bergerjacques wrote:
Could apply to any number of movies. The Blob 80s era remake: We made an unstoppable killing glop of meta-protoplasm because we thought it a plausible weapon to use against our enemies, even though said mass has no possible way of discerning between "enemies" and "allies" and is essentially an insatiable stomach.


That same kind of logic also makes me wonder why Weyland-Yutani is so hell-bent on using the Xenomorph as a weapon.

What kind of terrible space wars are happening, which are so bad that something like THAT is considered a viable option?


I think it's less a matter of "wars so terrible that the Xenomorphs are a viable option" and more "that thing could kick so much ass if we had it". To partially quote Ripley, Weyland-Yutani was better at "f*****g each other over for a g*ddamn percentage" than logic.

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"Times have not become more violent. They have just become more televised." - Brian Warner

"Marlowe's overreacting, Marlowe's taking it wrong, Marlowe's lighting kittens on fire again..." - Marlowe, on how the rest of the board sees him

"What we have here is one hellaciously well-built monument." - Bergerjacques, on the Lincoln Memorial

"Folks, we need a way to get Uwe Boll to inadvertantly touch Tony Jaa's elephant." - Beggar So's Hat speaks truth


Mon Dec 19, 2016 9:29 pm
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