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Waking Up As A Monster: Your Best And Worst 
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Burning Godzilla
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I was just thinking, as I often do, about mad scientists and their horribly inept basement-lab experiments. So many bright ideas and brave initiatives gone sadly wrong, leading to some terrifying monster being loosed on an unsuspecting populace, always looking remarkably like a guy in a stoopid rubber suit.

It occurred to me that the worst one for me, personally, would be finding myself in the position of poor Brenda in Curse of the Swamp Creature. It would thrill me beyond words to be injected with alligator juice and turn into one of my favorite animals...but turning out like Brenda, a mass of greasepaint with Ping-Pong-ball eyes, would be a disappointment too bitter to bear.

On the other hand, I would really, really love to be turned into a giant fly. The Andre Delambre fly would be great, and the Seth Brundle fly might be even better. Transitions are always painful of course, but I'd get over the gloppy, lumpy part after a while and just become a happy 185-lb insect. I'd even get to live on donuts for the rest of my life.

What scientific experiment gone wrong would you love to be? Which one would you hate being?

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Mon Sep 05, 2016 8:05 pm
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Burning Godzilla
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Nobody's actually used this to the best of my knowledge, but if I get to choose what kind of abomination against nature Dr. Moreauvenstein turns me into, then I want to be a were-mantis shrimp. It'd be worth it for the vision alone, but I think we can all envision plenty of situations in which a supersonic right hook would come in handy. Failing that, I suspect that I would get used to being Susan Denberg (the "monster" in Frankenstein Created Woman) after a while.

At the other extreme, the Death Guards from The Beastmaster (explicitly created via mad science rather than magic, in an unusual touch for a sword-and-sorcery film) seem to lead truly sucky existences, albeit without very much self-awareness.

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Thu Sep 15, 2016 3:56 pm
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Burning Godzilla
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You know what would be really, really bad? being any monster in a Charles Band movie.

But it might be even worse to be the yellow lab in Fly II.

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Thu Sep 15, 2016 4:14 pm
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Burning Godzilla
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I thought it might be terrible to wake up as the Christopher Lee version of Frankenstein in the Curse of Frankenstein. Green face, horrible walk. But then I thought it would be infinitely worse to find myself in the reanimated figuration of Herbert West's will in the Bride of Reanimator sequence.

The best one is easy. The Peter Boyle monster creation of Dr. Fronkensteen. "Oh, sweet mystery of life at last I've found you!....."

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Thu Sep 15, 2016 5:13 pm
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Burning Godzilla
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I wouldn't want to wake up as The Manster, given that the monster eventually becomes a rapist before growing a second, Trollish head.

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Thu Sep 15, 2016 5:53 pm
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Burning Godzilla
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That thing from Sting of Death looks like it would be a really terrible way to live.

As for monsters I'd like to be, I'd have to go with vampirism as it's presented in Near Dark.

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Thu Sep 15, 2016 9:15 pm
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Burning Godzilla
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I played a brain-in-a-jar robot on City of Villains with electrical punching and armor powers (I did not name him Thunderball Fists, though--that was Telstar Man 2.0). I'd say that's the Platonic ideal of what I'd want to wake up as if I ever got roofied by a mad scientist.

Worst? Hmm. Probably the gigantic deformed idiot creature in The Brain That Wouldn't Die, because it just got locked in a basement and died when its house burned down.

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Thu Sep 15, 2016 9:45 pm
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Burning Godzilla
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In order to fulfill my darkest desires of being a street vigilante in Brazil, I wouldn't mind waking up as the 4-D Man or the Colossus of New York...or São Paulo.

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Fri Sep 16, 2016 12:37 pm
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Burning Godzilla
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As a matter of practicality, becoming The Hideous Sun Demon would only be a minor inconvenience, and would give me a good excuse to avoid the daytime.

http://bmoviebffs.com/wp-content/upload ... -still.jpg

For sheer style, it's hard to beat the I-Was-A-Teenage-Vampire in Blood of Dracula.

http://66.media.tumblr.com/7cbabf48dbd1 ... 1_1280.jpg

On the other hand, the title creature in Frankenstein's Daughter (which is strictly a metaphor) is not so charming.

https://forgottenfilmcast.files.wordpre ... hter-6.png

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Fri Sep 16, 2016 1:59 pm
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Burning Godzilla
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Hman wrote:
I wouldn't want to wake up as The Manster, given that the monster eventually becomes a rapist before growing a second, Trollish head.



And this reminds me of how maddening it would be to become The Thing With Two Heads, a guy with another guy sewed onto me who hates my living guts because I'm the wrong race.

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Sample piscatorial love at Cliffie's Notes! Now in blog form for the greater good of the Fish Conspiracy!


Tue Sep 20, 2016 3:40 pm
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Burning Godzilla
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Cliffie wrote:
Hman wrote:
I wouldn't want to wake up as The Manster, given that the monster eventually becomes a rapist before growing a second, Trollish head.



And this reminds me of how maddening it would be to become The Thing With Two Heads, a guy with another guy sewed onto me who hates my living guts because I'm the wrong race.


But you're Ray Milland, world class curmudgeon. and how long would it take before you'd fall in love with Rosey Grier. The access to corporate boxes at NFL games would be enough.

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Tue Sep 20, 2016 5:39 pm
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Best monsterification: one of the critters from the Species series, cause you not only can regrow lost body parts, you get to look hot and get lots of action while your progeny doom the human race. Worst... how about Brenda from Slither, morphed into a ten ton bag of slugs while still sentient.

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Fri Sep 23, 2016 7:46 pm
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