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Burning Godzilla
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So The Asylum has Mega Shark vs. Moby Dick slated for next year. I hope that isn't their cash-in on Kong: Skull Island the same way Mega Shark vs. Mecha Shark was for the 2014 Godzilla. I'd hope more that they'd make a sequel to King of the Lost World.

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Fri Nov 04, 2016 2:15 pm
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Burning Godzilla
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My "2016 Year in Review" for films that I watched for the first time last year (but were not necessarily released last year):

Best Movies Watched:

Legend of a Fighter
Tower of Death
Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol
Three Outlaw Samurai
My Neighbor Totoro
Secret World of Arrietty

Worst Movies Watched:

A Queen’s Ransom
American Ninja 5
37 Plots of Kung Fu
Cannonball Run 2
The Banquet
Instant Rage
Man with the Iron Fist
Drunken Master 3
Asian Connection
New Moon

Biggest Disappointment:

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

Most Violent Movies:

No One Lives (making this the third Ryuhei Kitamura film that has earned this distinction on my list)
City of the Living Dead

Best Fight Scenes:

Casanova Wong’s Cameo – Duel of the Seven Tigers
Angela Mao vs. Huang In-Sik, Sammo Hung, Wilson Tong – The Tournament
Bruce Leung Siu-Lung vs. James Nam – Little Superman
The Big Finale – Rebellious Reign

Worst Fight Scenes:

Chun Li vs. Vega – Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li

WTF Moment of 2016:

Sharknado: The 4th Awakens - Ian Zeiring’s son pulling a chainsaw out of a stone in order to slice open a blue whale, which swallowed a large shark, which swallowed a slightly-small shark, which swallowed a slightly swallowed a slightly smaller shark, etc. until he rescues his father.

Best Line:

“Oh, for God’s sake!” – Avengers: Age of Ultron

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Mon Jan 02, 2017 12:18 pm
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Let 2017 begin: Sheriff McClelland from Night of the Living Dead has passed away at 81.

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Wed Jan 04, 2017 1:43 pm
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A rebuttal to a particularly hostile review of Nocturnal Animals.

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Mon Jan 23, 2017 10:16 pm
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I am implementing a new policy regarding sequels on Reel Opinions. The following is taken from something I just posted over there.

You may have noticed that I did not bother to review Underworld: Blood Wars when it came out earlier this month. Well, the reason why is the same reason why you will not be seeing a review of Resident Evil: The Final Chapter this weekend. And that reason is because of a new policy I am implementing regarding sequels.

In the past, I have tried to review as many movies as I could possibly see, and I feel I have kept up that end of the bargain, even as I am getting older, and time is shorter for me with work and other obligations. However, there are certain movies that I just find that I can't bring myself to go see once in a while, and one kind of film are sequels to movies I have hated. Both Underworld and Resident Evil are long running franchises with devoted fanbases, which I unfortunately am not a part of. And yet, I have sat through numerous of their sequels with the best of intentions, only to find that the films have no intention of improving themselves, or making progress.

Ans so, I am implementing a policy where if a franchise has not improved itself by the second or third film, I am not going to review any further sequels. The only exception to this rule will be if the sequel suddenly gets amazing word of mouth or uncommonly strong reviews in comparison to the rest of the series. A good example of this exception would be last year's Ouija: Origin of Evil. I hated the original, and had no intention of seeing the second film. But then, it started attracting good word of mouth, so I decided to check it out, and ended up being very positive about it. But this is a rare instance indeed. Most franchises by their third film are pretty much set in stone.

So, therefore, you will not see reviews of sequels to long running series that have largely disappointed me. In other words, do not expect to see a review of Transformers: The Last Knight this June. Michael Bay's take on the cartoon and toys that ruled my youth has been some of the worst summer blockbusters ever in my opinion, and in all honesty, I would rather stay home and watch the 1986 animated Transformers movie that weekend than have to shell out money to see Bay's latest insult to my childhood icons.

So, there you have it. I'm sorry if this disappoints any of my readers, but honestly, I need to give myself a break once in a while. And when a franchise just seems to drag on and never seems to improve, there's just little reason for me to hold out hope that things will change or improve. Even though you won't be hearing my thoughts on Resident Evil this weekend, I will be reviewing La La Land (finally), A Dog's Purpose and Gold this weekend, so I hope you will look forward to those.

I hope everyone has a great weekend ahead!

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Thu Jan 26, 2017 11:58 pm
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Friedberg and Seltzer to make a Star Wars parody.

Perhaps the prequels will finally have something Star Wars-related to look good in comparison to.

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Thu Feb 09, 2017 2:22 pm
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Hman wrote:
Friedberg and Seltzer to make a Star Wars parody.

Perhaps the prequels will finally have something Star Wars-related to look good in comparison to.


They already did, it's called "half the Extended Universe".

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"Times have not become more violent. They have just become more televised." - Brian Warner

"Marlowe's overreacting, Marlowe's taking it wrong, Marlowe's lighting kittens on fire again..." - Marlowe, on how the rest of the board sees him

"What we have here is one hellaciously well-built monument." - Bergerjacques, on the Lincoln Memorial

"Folks, we need a way to get Uwe Boll to inadvertantly touch Tony Jaa's elephant." - Beggar So's Hat speaks truth


Thu Feb 09, 2017 4:59 pm
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TelstarMan wrote:
Richard Norton, the Kahn's minister / heavy from Gymkata, was the fight choreographer for Suicide Squad. I can only hope Killer Croc finds a pommel horse in the middle of Gotham City and starts his floor routine.


Norton also was the fight coordinator on Mad Max: Fury Road. Wouldn't be surprised if the Pole Cats were his idea....

He also appeared as "The Prime Imperator" in Mad Max: Fury Road. He was the shiny forehead dude announcing Imogen Joe to his unwashed masses.

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Mon Feb 27, 2017 12:58 am
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Sign of the Apocalypse - Suicide Squad won an Oscar last night (makeup).

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Charnelhouse


Mon Feb 27, 2017 6:39 pm
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Burning Godzilla
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Charnelhouse wrote:
Sign of the Apocalypse - Suicide Squad won an Oscar last night (makeup).


Not As Bad As It Looks: That was its ONLY nomination, and the Best Picture winner was a film based around African-American characters.

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"Times have not become more violent. They have just become more televised." - Brian Warner

"Marlowe's overreacting, Marlowe's taking it wrong, Marlowe's lighting kittens on fire again..." - Marlowe, on how the rest of the board sees him

"What we have here is one hellaciously well-built monument." - Bergerjacques, on the Lincoln Memorial

"Folks, we need a way to get Uwe Boll to inadvertantly touch Tony Jaa's elephant." - Beggar So's Hat speaks truth


Mon Feb 27, 2017 10:33 pm
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Mr. Paradox wrote:
Charnelhouse wrote:
Sign of the Apocalypse - Suicide Squad won an Oscar last night (makeup).


Not As Bad As It Looks: That was its ONLY nomination, and the Best Picture winner was a film based around African-American characters.


Congratulations. You not only won our Best Clarification Award and but also our daily Weirdest Non-sequitur Award. Of course, the academy may have presented me the wrong envelope. I certainly hope so.

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Tue Feb 28, 2017 2:28 pm
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Bergerjacques wrote:
Mr. Paradox wrote:
Charnelhouse wrote:
Sign of the Apocalypse - Suicide Squad won an Oscar last night (makeup).


Not As Bad As It Looks: That was its ONLY nomination, and the Best Picture winner was a film based around African-American characters.


Congratulations. You not only won our Best Clarification Award and but also our daily Weirdest Non-sequitur Award. Of course, the academy may have presented me the wrong envelope. I certainly hope so.


Just saying that after several years of that "#OscarsSoWhite" hashtag, that combined with Suicide Squad's lack of nominations indicate there's still a bit of hope for the Academy.

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"Times have not become more violent. They have just become more televised." - Brian Warner

"Marlowe's overreacting, Marlowe's taking it wrong, Marlowe's lighting kittens on fire again..." - Marlowe, on how the rest of the board sees him

"What we have here is one hellaciously well-built monument." - Bergerjacques, on the Lincoln Memorial

"Folks, we need a way to get Uwe Boll to inadvertantly touch Tony Jaa's elephant." - Beggar So's Hat speaks truth


Tue Feb 28, 2017 5:10 pm
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To be fair, if there was anything that looked good in Suicide Squad, the makeup would be it.

We must all swear never to mention that film again without saying "Oscar winning".

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Tue Feb 28, 2017 7:35 pm
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I wonder if there's a site calculating the number of unnecessary changes between the anime of Ghost in the Shell and the US film version.

Even discounting the main character's name ("Motoko" to "Mira"), I can think of at least one hugely unnecessary change, summed up in the line "They didn't save your life. They stole it."

Because going with the original backstory (it changes a lot, but generally Motoko suffered a fatal accident when she was six and could only be saved via cybernetics) would require the studio to be original, and why do that when you can run yet another "Fight the system" plot into the ground?

I'm willing to bet they made her straight, too.

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"Times have not become more violent. They have just become more televised." - Brian Warner

"Marlowe's overreacting, Marlowe's taking it wrong, Marlowe's lighting kittens on fire again..." - Marlowe, on how the rest of the board sees him

"What we have here is one hellaciously well-built monument." - Bergerjacques, on the Lincoln Memorial

"Folks, we need a way to get Uwe Boll to inadvertantly touch Tony Jaa's elephant." - Beggar So's Hat speaks truth


Fri Mar 03, 2017 5:49 pm
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I got a catalog in the mail from Kino Lorber, a company which specializes in DVD's of art films, international films, restored silent films, independent films, documentaries, and so on. They're who we usually get our snobby stuff from. It amused me, therefore, to find out that they also offer things like Santa Claus Conquers the Martians and The Incredible 2 Headed Transplant.

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Wed Mar 15, 2017 5:20 pm
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